Things to Not to Say to Someone with Chronic Pain/Ways to Help Someone with CP

Some "Unhelpful" Things to (NOT) Say to Someone with RSD

1. You can't be in that much pain!!! (the alternate version I got was; "You're too young to have had all this happen."  Well, clearly I am not--dummy it's there in front of you,  can we get down to business; and don't act like I am stupid, I am well educated, and I don't need any of your crap; RSD gives me plenty of that, thank you!")
2. No pain, no gain!  (Uh, huh.....you done PT with RSD....when do I stop before creating damage, and when do I stop at the right time that I have benefited myself????  Oh, come on, you know--you are the one who sends me "RSD101" every morning!!!)
3. Stop being lazy and get a job.  (My RSD doesn't take breaks, vacations, etc.....dealing with it is a full time job, thanks....)
4. Your illness is caused by stress.  (Presently, it's the confusion created when my mind has to override the body's basic desire to choke the daylights out of someone [presently, you] who so desperately deserves it!!!!)
5. It's all in your head.  (What's in my head is some very un-Christian thoughts about choking you, but I pity your ignorance instead.....and how insulting)
6. It's all in your head.... (yeah, the confusion created when one's mind has to override the body's basic desire to choke the daylights out of someone [like you] who so desperately needs it!!!)
7. You're just having a bad day... (actually this was me on a good day!)
8. This will pass....I had one neurologist tell me that basically RSD has been known to "go away over night" (Now, I know about remission, but this chick told me I'd go to bed one night, and wake up the next morning and not have RSD!!!  Uh, someone get me that woman in seclusion and restraints--she's dangerous! :) )
9. Just get more exercise....(Yeah, gimme a power chair and we can do laps til the batteries are dead!!!)
10. But you look so good.  (Compared to what?)
11. Hang in there  (where?   My closet upside down like a bat?)
12. Guess you'll have to learn how to live with this, won't you, then? {snide tone}
13. You'll just have to tough it out....(uh huh, right!!!)
14. Just pray harder.  If you were a better Christian, you would be healed.  (I will pray for you tonight...that the hoofprints of 1,000 chronic pain/chronically ill people don't find out where you live...seriously, that you could belittle anyone's suffering with such an ignorant statement, I hope you never end up with something like RSD....cancer.....and have a doctor tell you to just pray harder.  Sure we pray for something, and for strength, or a good night's sleep; but you're sounding awfully judgemental....)
15. It can't be that bad.... ("Oh, it can feel that way....")
16. It could be worse....  (RSD can get worse you blockhead!!!)
17. It must be nice not to have to work.......(and watch my hard earned education go down the toilet, re-direct old clients, miss my work, miss the distraction, and know that though in work, I earn vacation, holidays, etc, my pain is there every minute of every hour of every day: no "smoke breaks," no lunch breaks even, and some days parts of my body are useless...a life-threatening emergency surgery could cause my RSD to go full body...I feel like I live constantly with my "deer in the headlights" look, like I am looking over my shoulder because it could save my life and change it forever; throwing me into full-body RSD: I've 2 close friends this has happened to.  One was saved with ketamine coma, the other lives in constant misery.
18. There are people who are worse off than you are....You think I don't know that--that my constant fear isn't that my "treatment" will turn on me?  That I don't fear I will become one?

So, yes, the RSD101 is archaic--although well meaninng


And my life has changed: if you ever stopped in for a real listen....you would know.


(c) 2011 JJC